Chronic Migraines Made Me Agoraphobic

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To live with chronic migraines is to live in fear. The fear of triggering an attack. The fear of not being able to take your meds quick enough. The fear of being judged.

Suddenly life only is bearable when in the safety of your home, with your pitch black interior bathroom, cooling gel head gear and all the triptans you've carefully hoarded from multiple sources since your insurance only covers 8 of each a month (triptan junkie)...

I started getting a panic aura at the thought of going outside, and catching a whiff of a perfume or (heaven forbid) forgetting my sunglasses and having constant glare mingle with my altered vision. Life with 15 or more migraines a month was a 50/50 chance of hell or a slightly more bearable migraine hangover... either way I didn't want to risk the former... and the latter wasn't pretty so I figured the world would thank me for my absence.

Chronic migraines made me a shell of myself. A zombie/vampire hybrid devoid of life and afraid of the sun. I got lost in books, living through the characters, but it is a hollow life. I was lucky, I finally found a neurologist who listened.

I wasn't able to tolerate preventative prescriptions, but after my doctor convinced me to try supplements I started to (finally) break the cycle. It has been over a year since I had more than 1-2 migraines a month... most people think that many would be unbearable, but I am in heaven. I am finally letting myself live again. I am even thinking of trying to work out again!

Looking back at how I shut myself away from life for so long is hard, I still regress sometimes and have to fight with myself to open the front door and experience life. But I know know that I can handle it... and I don't have to be alone.



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